Gokarna, Matheran and all hills green

Gokarna, Matheran and all hills green

Snow-clad hills, curvy roads and that brown paper bag (only if you are lucky to sense it coming). I have harboured the fear of motion sickness in hilly areas since childhood. While my family would eagerly wait in the endless pursuit of reaching the snow-clad peaks, I would just hold on to my churning stomach and mark it an achievement (or sheer luck) if that brown paper bag is in the right place at the right time.

Do not misconstrue this as the fear of heights. I was completely comfortable (in fact, in love) with peeking out of the top floor of a Mumbai high rise. Also, I would not mind traveling to Delhi from Jaipur, to and fro, within the short span of 24 hours. It was the deadly combination of motion, and the curves and altitude that hills brought along with them, that made me feel nauseous.

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The Times of Indore Part 2 : Pain in my ass

The Times of Indore Part 2 : Pain in my ass

The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. This fact holds even more true when food is the love of your life. But biology has its way of testing that love. And that acid test (with equally stingy burns) is called haemorrhoids.

Haemorrhoids is a medical condition that Google would willingly explain to you. As neat as its multiple slideshows on haemorrhoids are, let me tell you that the pain is real. It is worse than heartache and headache. Because the shit that the latter two body organs consume does not end up rubbing the injury everyday. While my condition was not caused by constipation, there were times where I wished of entering into a perennial state of shit-lessness in order to avoid the pain that came with the Devil’s call every day.

So how did I end up pooping out blood every day? I do not know. It is difficult to trace the exact cause. But I know that I went through two long bouts of it every three months ever since I moved to Mumbai – a city that gives you so much shit to deal with that you forget to shit on time.

Yes, that was where I stepped on to the dynamic field (quite literally). I forgot to shit on time which resulted in shitloads of pain. I found it difficult to comprehend whether it was the food, the commuting, the long sitting hours, the stress or something else altogether. The worst part was that I had all those fronts sorted.

I am a healthy eater. I do not commute via road (which demands long sitting hours). I stood up after writing every article to get myself a glass of water from the canteen. And I was not stressed at all! I was having fun… until my ass started vomiting blood.

Medication, hot water baths and additional doses of fiber and water – all these followed but I just could not get myself out of the predicament. It reached a point where I feared it would turn into piles, a permanent state. But then, an old friend invited me to visit them once again.

Last week, after one and a half months of haemorrhoids, I visited Indore, the city where I was based prior to Mumbai. It was a city I loved because of nostalgia (first job), its laid back approach, its warm people, its crazy traffic (certainly not) and its absolutely lip-smacking food.

I had survived on that food for four months without any gastronomical complaints. While it made for sheer indulgence, it also offered good nutritional value. The food, whether the synonymous poha, the fav fast food sabudana khichdi (as it made for an ideal item for the fasting aunties), falafel from the streets or the unparalleled bhutte ka kees (mashed american corn), they always managed to get it right. If someone asks you to chew your food 32 times, they must be from Indore as the food there is one thing that deserves to stay in your mouth for that long.

When I returned, or even while I was there, I was miraculously cured. Or so I would like to believe. Obviously, it was a range of factors, like the constant scrutiny, the gallons of water that I just gulped down over weeks and the salads that I gorged on (because food is lou),  but I would like to believe that the leap of faith was also a factor. A major one at that.

I would like to believe that the trip to Indore was medicinal more than a recreational. It was a pilgrimage. Is it the traditionally sound Ayurveda therapy that heals Varanasi visitors or their faith in that city? I know little about the science that went into my cure. But the curious cat within has eaten too much to get up, fetch the magnifying glass and investigate. For now, I would let it sleep.

If you’re wondering how fruitful my morning visits to the Holy commode are these days, I would like to quote Bhashkar Bannerjee from Piku, “Like nevaur befaur.”

The Times of Indore

The Times of Indore

People. They are the most beautiful thing in the world. They carry stories within them. The stories reflect our times. Yet, for me, the times of Indore were not a reflection of people. But the lack of them.

It was the most lonely I had ever been. An introvert till the eight standard, I never yearned for company. An extrovert thereafter, I could not live without it. Living alone in a new city, and not a fast happening city like Mumbai and Delhi, Indore felt like the Jaipur I had no clue about.

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4 Films that Made Tabu the Critics’ Bae

4 Films that Made Tabu the Critics’ Bae

A thinking man’s actress, Tabu has always been a critics’ favourite. Though she has seen a fair share of box office success, not a single film of hers has failed to get rave reviews from all quarters. While she is a proud recipient of two National Awards, a lesser known achievement that she boasts of is that she has won the highest number of Filmfare Critics’ Choice Awards, just one award ahead of her Cheeni Kum co-star Amitabh Bachchan.

As Tabu turned 45 on 4 November, we celebrate the occasion by looking back at the four nuanced portrayals that fetched her the four Filmfare Awards:

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6 Times Yesteryear Actresses Turned ‘Item Girls’

6 Times Yesteryear Actresses Turned ‘Item Girls’

A recent article by my senior Sneha Bengani in the Hindustan Times questioned why yesteryear actresses in the Hindi film industry are mostly offered stereotypical roles of mothers and mother-in-laws. She explained why we deserve a Meryl Streep, why we deserve the female counterpart of the evergreen Amitabh Bachchan.

I put my thinking cap on and recalled the number of times these actresses have been roped in to do something conventionally reserved for young actresses – ‘item numbers’. While there has always existed another stereotypical breed of ‘item girls’ like Jacqueline Fernandez, Sunny Leone, Nargis Fakhiri and Malaika Arora Khan, why were these yesteryear actresses chosen to shed off their rust and induce the men to lust after them:

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Five Hindi Films That Give You A Reality Check Until…

Five Hindi Films That Give You A Reality Check Until…

One thing that Scooby Doo and the Mystery Inc. taught us was that monsters are not real… unless they are on Zombie Island. In Scooby Doo and the Zombie Island, Velma tried pulling off the mask of a zombie to solve the mystery, but to no avail. The mask would just not come off, indicating that monsters are for real.

A few Hindi films have also tried this trick. The narrative builds up the film as a slice of life or a piece of realism, only to shake the audience out of their wits eventually. While some films are clearly slot into the fantasy genre, these five films give the audience the impression that the film is as real as it could be… until a twist which proves otherwise.

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Call 9-1-1

Call 9-1-1

“Have we found it yet?”

Uncle Sam asked the soldiers as they scooped out heaps of mud.  It was another one of those excavations, of archaeological proportions, which could change the course of history.

This was what the “Little Boy” standing right next to him, was given to understand. He did not, however, know what they were looking for. But the thought of going too far to accomplish their “Civilization Mission” irked him.

“If they kept digging, they will just look like the people we have been hired to civilize,” said the “Little Boy”.

“It is a White Man’s Burden to keep digging till we turn black,” said Uncle Sam pointing at the Little Boy, as rubbles of guns, missiles and bombs kept piling up.

“But why are we civilizing the men who destroyed those two beauties fifteen years ago?”

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